Some things are too hard

The final scene in a play I was watching Saturday night drove me to do something I've never done before in a performance: Look down at my lap to keep from seeing it. I didn't want the images of what was taking place on stage to stay with me. Brutality. Ruthlessness. Savagery. Hatred. Before long I also had to put my fingers in my ears to shut out the screams and yelling.

The play, We Are Proud to Present, is about a real genocide, one I had never heard about. It took place around 1900-1910 in what is now Namibia--then a German colony, Sudwestafrika. Dramatically speaking, having an emotional impact on the audience is the goal of theater. I hope they are happy.

It was 1977 when I first recognized that I just couldn't tolerate seeing brutality. I mean really. could. not. I had been very interested in watching the TV mini-series Roots, but I had to stop. The next year, the same thing, when Holocaust was broadcast. I started watching it but turned it off when my stomach got that knot in it.

Sometimes I can get through a short scene--the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire, for instance. I'm so glad I did make it through, because I love that movie. On Criminal Minds--another production I really like--I know now to look out for any really weird bondage or torture scenes that are sometimes thrown in. I can look away or leave the room and come back, and still enjoy the rest of the show.

I won't be going to see 12 Years a Slave, though I really would like to.